Underworld Randomness
by Goetia Demon
Summary: Some of the characters from Underworld have gone wild and are now making a whole new story for the readers
1. Chapter 1

Underworld Randomness

Underworld Randomness

I DON'T OWN UNDERWORLD OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS SO DON'T BUG ME.

Special thanks: SeleneRanma

Act I: The Keys

After a whole day of resting, Kraven decides to take a ride on his brand new car. He walks off the bed in search for his keys, but can't find anything. He walks towards the living room where Viktor was.

Kraven: Hey Viktor!

Viktor: What?

Kraven: Know were my keys are?

Viktor: Umm…yea…

Kraven: What are you waiting for?

Viktor: Waiting for what?

Kraven: Hand me the keys

Viktor: I can't, sorry…

Kraven: Why…?

Viktor: They are in the sewage.

Kraven: How the hell did they got there?

Viktor: Because I was playing with them and they fell to the toilet.

Kraven: oh…

Viktor: and they were flushed away. ..

Kraven: You did it on purpose; didn't you?

Viktor: Yup

Kraven: Why?

Viktor: Fluffy told me so

Kraven: Fluffy?

A few seconds later, Fluffy, the Komodo dragon, crawls from behind Kraven and bites his leg hard. He starts to shake Kraven's leg and in the meantime, he was trying to feed.

Kraven: Let me go!

Fluffly: Rawr.

Act II: Weird Moment

(Hours later from the Fluffy incident)

Kraven: That fluffy is weird…well, lucky me I got a spare pair of keys, so I'll get inside my new BMW.

Markus: Hey there sexy! Can I come with you?

Kraven: Umm… no

Markus: Why? I wanna go shoppin'.

Kraven: Ok…? You're weird…

Markus: C'mon sexy man let's go get a ride together.

Kraven: Hell no.

Markus: Maybe a hug will make you change opinion?

Kraven: Uh. Oh! Run!

Markus: Aw. C'mon hottie. I'll give you a big hug.

Kraven: GET AWAY FROM ME!

Kraven runs inside the car and locks the doors. In a matter of seconds he is off the mansion and heading far away from Markus.

Kraven: Markus is weird.

??: giggles Oh yeah!

Kraven: ….what was that?

Act III: Fun?

Kraven: Phew…that was a close one

Sonja: rises up from the backseat What the…? Why are we moving?

Kraven: What the…Sonja?! What are you doing in my brand new car?!

Sonja: I was having fun! .

Kraven: Fun?

Sonja: YES! And what kind of fun!

Lucian pokes his head up from the backseat, beside Sonja

Lucian: What is happening in here?

Kraven: LUCIAN?! What are you doin'!

Lucian: Having fun?

Kraven: Damn. You two are a pair of perverts.

Lucian: NO! You are a peep. This is private! MAN!

Kraven: You know something…blow it! I'm leaving this automobile. ..

Lucian: You'd better growls

Sonja: Calm down, love. Let's get back down with the fun.

Kraven exits the car in a rush. He was carrying a suitcase and ran towards a tall skyscraper on the opposite side of the sidewalk.

Lucian and Sonja head back down

Sonja: Back to the fun!

Lucian: More! Oh yes! I want more!

Sonja: Alright!

Lucian: More meat!

Sonja places another piece of ham on Lucian's meatloaf sandwich. They were having a picnic on the backseat

Hey! I never said they were naked! Creepy freaky-minded people. -.-' LOL XD

Act IV: Fluffy

(Few minutes later, up in the skyscraper)

Using a high-distance sniper rifle, Kraven aimed to a person he thought was Michael.

Kraven: Now. I will be able to kill you once and for all.

Michael: Kill who?

Kraven: Kill Michael! laughs

Michael: Which Michael?

Kraven: turns around Oh! Um…you?

Michael: Oh! I see!

Kraven: covers with his arms (coward!)

Michael: turns around Have fun!

Kraven: Wait! Aren't you angry?

Michael: Not really.

Kraven: Why? I was planning on killing you!

Michael: because… I was walking Fluffy.

Kraven: gasps Fluffy…

Michael: Have you met him?

Kraven: …yes. )':

Fluffy: RAWR

Fluffy ran towards Kraven and jumped on him. He pinned him to the ground and bit his head with his huge jaws. He salivated over his head and started chomping

Michael: Is it yummy?

Fluffy: Rawr.

Michael: I see. Can I taste?

Fluffy: rawr

Michael: Oh! I am sorry. I leave you play with him.

Fluffy: RAWR

Michael: Hey! Hey! Don't go with the insults!

Fluffy: rawr

Michael: There, there. You are pardoned.

Fluffy: rawr

Fluffy spits Kraven out and is hugged by Michael

Kraven: gross…

Michael: SHUT UP! IT'S A DRAMATIC MOMENT!

Kraven: ok… shuts up and whimpers (nobody likes him)

Act V: Really?

I bet you are wondering where is Selene? I mean, she is the main character right? She needs to be on this story. Well…here is the reason why she was absent.

Selene: MARKUS! Let me go! (she is tied to a pole)

Markus: No…my child.

Selene: Why…?

Markus: Because…

Selene: Because?

Markus: You are gorgeous and I want Kraven to notice me and be with me.

Selene: That's all?

Markus: yeah…why?

Selene: Look. You can have that dumbass if you want.

Markus: Really?

Selene: Hell yeah, and if he gets near me, I'll break his nose.

Markus: Thanks my child!

Selene: No problem!

Markus goes up the basement running upstairs to do his makeup and wait for the sexy Kraven to come back home

Selene: HEY DUMBASS! UNTIE ME! ANYONE? I feel lonely…

Will Markus get Kraven to notice him? Will Kraven lie on Markus's arms? Will Selene be untied? Will Lucian and Sonja continue their fun? Will the keys be found? Will Fluffy eat Kraven? Will Michael hug Fluffy again? Will the pie be eaten? Will the jellyfish rule the world? WHO KNOWS XD!

FIND IT ON THE NEXT CHAPTER! ONLY IF YOU REPLY A YES!


	2. Chapter 2

Underworld Randomness

Underworld Randomness

I DON'T OWN UNDERWORLD OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS SO DON'T BUG ME.

Special thanks: SeleneRanma

--

Act VI: CONCERT

Markus waited for Kraven to arrive, and when he did the next day he wore his best dress and the best makeup he could use.

Selene: -yelled- LET ME FREE!

Kraven: What was that?

Markus: What was what?

Kraven: That! The sound!

Markus: Only the wind…

Kraven: Ok…?

Markus: Hey sexy!

Kraven: Who? Me?

Markus: Yes you! Wanna go in a date with me?

Kraven: Not even drunk

Markus: Aww. Well…I'll give you a ticket for a Nightwish Concert.

Kraven: Really?

Markus: Sure! Sexy! –hands him the tickets-

Kraven: Thanks. –he dashes out towards his car-

Markus: -laughs with an evil grin- Soon…

ACT VII: PUNISHMENT

-Fluffy was walking in the basement looking for rodents to eat-

Selene: Hey you!

Fluffy: Rawr?

Selene: Yes you!

Fluffy: Rawr?

Selene: Can't you see? I'm tied?

Fluffy: rawr…

Selene: Come here and untie me!

Fluffy: -shakes his head- Rawr.

Selene: Why not?

Fluffy: RAWR RAWR.

Selene: I won't give you a kiss nor a hug

Fluffy: Rawr

Selene: Don't Cry Please.

Fluffy: Rawr. Rawr Rawr RAWR rawr.

Selene: Ok… I'll give you an orange if you untie me

Fluffy: Rawr?

Selene: No. Hugs come from Michael only.

Fluffy: -nods and bites the ropes, untying Selene-

Selene: I owe you one orange –she runs up the stairs of the basement and up-

Fluffy: rawr.

Selene: -yells- MARKUS! Come here for your punishment!

ACT VIII: A LIE

-Michael arrives at the concert and tries to enter, but it was a failure-

Kraven: How come I can't enter?

Guard: Wrong ticket.

Kraven: What you talking 'bout?

Guard: -takes off the sticker of the ticket for Nightwish, revealing it was a ticket for Madonna and Michael Jackson in concert-. There.

Kraven: What the holy cows?

Guard: Your concert is there. –points to a gay bar across the street-

Kraven: No! NO! –tries to enter the Nightwish concert-

Guard: Don't even dare. –he grabs his and throws him inside the gay bar-

Kraven: Why me? Tarja! I love you!

??: I love you too!

Kraven: Really? –he turns around and sees a guy dressed as a woman-

Kraven: Shit! Why me? –cries- (Kraven is such a girly!)

??: -hugs him and kisses him-

ACT: IX: WOLF AND GIRL

-Selene enters Markus's room but he wasn't there. Instead she finds Sonja, Viktor and Lucian having fun together-

Selene: What in the holy mother of Hendrix are you doing?

Lucian: Playing Monopoly

Viktor: Bingo! I win!

Sonja: Viktor…wrong game…

Viktor: Oops.

Lucian: By the way, can you leave us alone…

Selene: Sorry. Have you seen Markus?

Sonja: No…

Viktor: Jenga! (-- Is an idiot)

Lucian: Still wrong game -.-

Viktor: -claps his hands-

Selene: Guess where he could have hidden?

Sonja: Maybe kissing Kraven?

-They all laugh-

Viktor: Goal!

Selene: Oh Shut up, Viktor!

Viktor: Okay.

Sonja: By the way, Fluffy was looking for you. He said you owed him an orange

Selene: I know, I know.

Lucian: Well Bye Bye.

Selene: Goodbye.

Sonja: Sayonara.

Viktor: -raises his hand- I think I have to go the restroom…

All three of them: Ugh! Go now!

-Viktor leaves to the bathroom-

ACT X: An Orange

Michael: Fluffy!

Fluffy: rawr

Michael: What's wrong?

Fluffy: Rawr –whimpers-

Michael: Oh I see,

Fluffy: rawr

Michael: She did that?!

Fluffy: RAWR –nods-

Michael: and she hasn't given you the orange?

Fluffy: rawr –shakes head-

Michael: I'll talk to her!

Fluffy: rawr

Michael: You're welcomed

Fluffy: RAWR

Michael: what?

Fluffy: rawr

Michael: How can I deny you a hug?

-They hug each other and suddenly Kraven crawls into he house with his face full of kisses from guys-

Kraven: Help…Markus…

-Fluffy steps in his face while hugging Michael-

Michael: shut up till we're finished

Will the hug ever finish? Will Selene punish Markus? What in the world happened to Kraven? Will Fluffy get his orange? Will Viktor still be a complete idiot? Will the orange become an apple? Will the spoons learn to speak German? Is the world insane?

Find it on the Next Chapter. Only if you ask for another :D


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